AND OTHER CLEAN HUMOR.

A guy meets up with God and decides to ask a couple questions. First he asks God what 10,000 years is to him? God tells him that 10,000 years is like 1 minute would be to the man. So the guy asks God what is 10 million dollars to you? God says 10 million dollars is like a penny to you.So the guy asks God, can I have a penny? God answers, just a second.

Vote Democratic

wo opposing county chairman were sharing a rare moment together. The Democratic chairman said, "I never pass up a chance to promote the party. For example, whenever I take a cab, I give the driver a sizable tip and say, 'Vote Democratic.'"
      
      His opponent said, "I have a better scheme, and it doesn't cost me a nickel. I don't give any tip at all. And when I leave, I also say, 'Vote Democratic.'"

The Liberal Democrat Way

ifty thousand people go to a baseball game, but the game was rained out and a refund was due.
      
      The team was about to send out refunds when someone stopped them and suggested that they send out refund amounts based on the their interpretation of fairness. After all, if the refunds were made based on the price each person paid for the tickets, most of the money would go to the richest people.
      
      Their plan says:
      
      - People in the seats will get back , because they had less money to spend.
      
      - People in the seats will get back , because that's only fair.
      
      - People in the seats will get back $1, because they already make a lot of money and don't need a refund.
      
      - People in the luxury seats will have to pay another , because they already have way too much money to spend.
      
      - People driving by the stadium who couldn't afford to watch the game will get each, even though they didn't pay anything in, just because they need the most help.

The New Pastor

n older preacher told the story of a young minister interviewing for his first pastorate. The Pulpit Committee had invited him to come over to their church for the interview. The committee chairman asked, "Son, do you know the Bible pretty good?"
      
      The young minister said, "Yes, pretty good." The chairman asked, "Which part do you know best?" He responded saying, "I know the New Testament best." "Which part of the New Testament do you know best," asked the chairman. The young minister said, "Several parts." The chairman said, "Well, why don't you tell us the story of the Prodigal Son." The young man said, "Fine."
      
      "There was a man of the Pharisees name Nicodemus, who went down to Jericho by night and he fell upon stony ground and the thorns choked him half to death.  
      
      "The next morning Solomon and his wife, Gomorrah, came by, and carried him down to the ark for Moses to take care of. But, as he was going through the Eastern Gate into the Ark, he caught his hair in a limb and he hung there forty days and forty nights and he afterwards did hunger. And, the ravens came and fed him.
      
      "The next day, the three wise men came and carried him down to the boat dock and he caught a ship to Ninevah. And when he got there he found Delilah sitting on the wall. He said, "Chunk her down, boys, chunk her down." And, they said, "How many times shall we chunk her down, till seven time seven?" And he said, "Nay, but seventy times seven." And they chucked her down four hundred and ninety times.
      
      "And, she burst asunder in their midst. And they picked up twelve baskets of the leftovers. And, in the resurrection whose wife shall she be?"
      
      The Committee chairman suddenly interrupted the young minister and said to the remainder of the committee, "Fellows, I think we ought to ask the church to call him as our minister.
      
      He is awfully young, but he sure does know his Bible."